Labor Day has come and gone without any labor around here. Now Phil is on call for the week so we're kind of hoping that nothing happens until next week. He could rearrange things if he or she decides to come now but it would be a hassle. In the meantime, I'm cherishing these last days with Sasha alone and feeling a little bit of guilt/sadness when I think about how our relationship is going to change once the baby is here.
A couple of weekends ago my parents generously took Sasha for a couple of days while Phil and I got away to Pagosa Springs, CO about a 2.5 hour drive away. We stayed at the Springs Resort which has 25 different natural hot tubs all at various temperatures situated along a refreshingly cold river. We spent the days and evenings tub hopping and lounging around reading books. It was so nice to have quality time and conversations together over long dinners especially knowing that there will be a drought of "us" time this next year.
Sasha loves making smores on our firepit for a treat in the evening. Funny quote from last week: We were eating breakfast and she said "Excuse me, Mommy" Me: "Why, Sasha?" Sasha: "I was tooting while I was sleeping last night". Me: "How do you know you were tooting if you were asleep?" Sasha: " Because I'm a tooting machine."
2 comments:
So glad to see you got some time away together before baby comes. That is great. Here's hoping baby waits until next week and then promptly comes first thing Monday morning. M
Hi Jessica -
I check your blog now and then (from Mandy's) and couldn't help but think of this poem that I thought of often when I was expecting Ben and was worried about my last days "alone" with Avery.
Loving Two
I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.
I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. Author Unknown
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